Day 27: What has changed…

•September 26, 2016 • Leave a Comment

These last few years while I’ve been away, my life has been crazy. I have had so many experiences, both good and bad. Sadly the only physical evidence I have of these experiences are some scars and missing hair. I am so sad that in the time I’ve had this site (four years on Oct-22!!) I have only made 26 posts (not including this one of course). My level of motivation has taken tremendous impacts in those years and I am only glad that I managed to survive through them. I want to discuss these last few years and talk about what has changed for me. My perception of the 15 topics: Life, Death, Time, Punishment, School, Love, Trust, Faith, Hope, Courage, Respect, Fate, Friendship, Family and Consideration have barely changed and if I feel that any of them need re-visited I’ll post a Part 2 of that topic.
For now, lets just talk about what has happened. When I began this blog, I was greatly inspired to share with readers about the many facets of my personality. My brother (Marnray) has since become married and until recently was absent in my life for reasons beyond control. I myself had experienced a few forms of love. I became open to dating and found myself with a person who I believed was going to change my life. In some ways I was right, but sadly it was not in the ways I had hoped. For two years I loved someone who seemed to enjoy hurting me physically, verbally and emotionally. He was an alcoholic and having gone through some terrible things himself, I tried to understand him rather than escape from him. Thats who I am. I am the person that wants to understand and accept those with flaws despite what it will cost me. After a lot of spilt blood and tears, and after many unforgivable acts of emotional terrorism, I am free of that fate. No longer am I going to allow myself to be a victim.
I never wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me because I live by the golden rule: “Treat others how you want to be treated”. So I forgave him and tried to understand him after he let his anger out. I know that if I had reacted different I would have been in a much worse place than I am now. Not just because it would have put me in jail, but because I would have had to live with myself after hurting someone. Fortunately, having left this made me grow closer to my family and I was able to survive the torture holding onto my one never-ending trait: HOPE.
Today, I can say that I have finally found what I’ve been hoping for. I have found the person that gives me butterflies when I see him, the person that makes me smile when he talks to me. I have found the person that looks into my eyes and tells me that I am amazing with the deepest sincerity. I found someone who laughs with me and cries with me. I have found a man who can accept me for who I am without judgement. My heart knew from the moment I saw him, that he was what it longed for. All of the signs I’ve seen have led me to this. I feel like I have found my missing piece. The way he smiles lights up my world, his eyes sparkle in such a way that I can see images of us in years to come, his laugh makes my heart skip a beat. His touch is electric, making me feel charged with love. His voice (he sings to me!!) fills my heart with strength. He is more than anything I could have ever dreamed of and I hope that I get the opportunity to be as good to him as he is wonderful to me. I feel like all of the roads I’ve traveled have led me to him.
Piper has shown me, in the short time that I’ve known him, what it means to be loved. We are alike in so many ways both emotionally and in personality. My boyfriend is amazing in every way, and he lights up my life. I have waited so long for him to be in my life but every day he makes me feel like it was all worth it. This is what has changed. My heart belongs to someone who deserves it, someone I can love forever. Here’s to Hope. Here’s to Fate. Here’s to LOVE


Day 26: The Competition of Life

•March 13, 2015 • Leave a Comment

We’ve already talked about what I feel when I think about the idea of life, but what is it that sends people over the edge and into crazytown? Competition. Everything in our lives has come down to some scheme of betterment in which we can only give our best shot at utter defeat. There is no “perfect life” and there is no life without some kind of competition. We compete with our bills, will we pay them first, or will they shut us off? We compete with our co-workers, who will make the bigger bonus? We compete with our families, who are we most proud of? We compete with ourselves, I can do better. What we are forgetting in this competition is that we do not have to play the game that is put before us. We can accept the life we lead. There will always be something in our paths that gets us down but we do not dwell on it. We can always find a way to be who we choose to be. The competition of life is a struggle that we do not have to live.

I am concerned about how far a person will go to “stand out”. I am concerned that individuality is no longer the goal. Why is being yourself a competition? What do you win? Why is this attitude so important for a person’s growth? I feel that setting yourself apart and declaring what you want is a fantastic way to individualize yourself but when you start to want to be “better” than everything around you, it makes your world less about you and more about what others think of you. It makes everything you worry about become focused on someone or something else. Life is too short to worry about who has the most expensive stuff or who is the most “successful”. Life should be about focusing on yourself, getting where you want to go. If a person wants nothing more than to be a manager at a fast-food restaurant, and they make it, they are just as successful as a CEO who wanted to be a CEO. They successfully reached their goal. It does not mean they have to stop there, but it also does not undervalue them either. More often it is the things that money can’t buy like loyalty, trust and love that are most valuable but in this world’s competitions in style, face-value items and wealth, all these priceless aspects fall short.


Too often I hear “this is better than that” and “this is a piece of crap”. This world is not in existence to please the small-minded. It is vast and exciting. How many times a week have you actually seen the stars, shining in the sky? How many times have you appreciated those days when it was not cloudy, or windy, or cold? How often do you walk down a street with a completely blank mind, letting your will take you on an adventure? If you say anything less than very often, you may be in the wrong business. Life, for people, is a journey. Infancy to childhood, childhood to teen, teen to adult and so on. It is YOUR journey and there are no rules in this competition. You were already born the best, that is why you exist. You don’t have to be better than yourself. I believe that one of the greatest stress inducers I have ever encountered is money. There is always a competition for money. The interview process, the annual profit, the taxes, it all is a competition of greed. Our society has pushed this image of “normal” on us and raised our expectations in life. We no longer approve of living within our means. We all wish we could win the lottery, we all wish we could do certain things that we feel we will never achieve. In doing so, we all forget who we are. We are not bound by the rules of society. We are only bound by the limits of our heart, the strength of our will, and the depths of our imagination. I am who I am on purpose. You are who you are on purpose. Accept the life you lead and live it proudly. If we remain chained to negativity we will never push our limits. Fore-go this competition and create your own destiny.

Day 25: Family

•August 30, 2014 • Leave a Comment

This post is long over due. October 31st 2012 I wrote Day 4: A Look Ahead and I mentioned fourteen terms I wanted to discuss. As I know I have not been the most up to date Blog host over these past two years, writing is still a passion I hold. My life has gone through a lot of changes recently and I can only say that I hope to be able to rekindle my writing spirit and spark my creative mind from here. Below is my post for the final word from my challenge as it appeared when I first wrote it:


        Family, the bond between a clan of people, usually related. Modern societies tend to “consider” people, who are really “friends”, a part of the family. Anyone can be accepted as a part of a family if both sides are willing to consent to it. Most modern “families” have become broken, challenged, or barely hanging on. “Families” are only humans that show “love” in a caring way toward another. Anyone a human chooses can be a brother, sister, aunt, uncle, mother, father, whatever. Humans should learn, the phrase “Family first” means almost the same as “don’t be selfish” or “think of others before yourself”. Many groups of people, “families”, are blood related but don’t realize it. Ancestral humans didn’t pick a spot and stay. Generations have moved to other places expanding the “family”. That is where religions get we are all brothers and sisters.


     Family has always been an interesting matter to me. My family may not have known it but growing up I never felt the same bond that they may have felt. Our bonds were not too weak but they were not as strong as I may have needed them to be. I often felt alone and solitary despite the presence of my family. My fear of being alone isolated me from people that were available to me for support and my fear of abandonment kept me from developing a healthy relationship with anyone I am biologically connected to. If you were to ask any of my family, it is likely they have just recently begun learning things about me since I have opened up more to them. As such, over time I have become rather close to several other families and come to accept them as my own. What I find to be the biggest factor for those I call family is that they are accepting. I feel that only a true family will accept each other without judgment and be able to contribute unconditional love.

     I may have lost touch with some of my “siblings” but the ones that impacted me the most are still a part of my life. Something I have learned is that the memories will always be there and nothing can take away the happiness that a person feels when they are a part of a family. I have felt the welcoming and loving embrace of several families and to be able to have such a gift, I could never be more grateful. Part of growing up is accepting the fate of individuality. Each of our families have their own lives and goals and to hold them back is a selfish act, one I refuse to contribute to.

     I do not wish to argue that ‘blood is thicker than water’ because often times it is those that show up with water that are more willing to shed blood for you. And sometimes, water is all you need. One of my favorite quotes is “Blood makes you related, loyalty makes you family”- Unknown. I see this and instantly think of all the people in my life that have been there for me when I needed them. The numerous memories I share with others and the person I have become are all thanks to the families that have been loyal to me. I am pleased to know that I have been welcomed into so many lives and I can only hope that my ‘family’ continues to grow. If any of you read this, know that I love you!

Day 24: This World We Live In

•March 18, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Throughout my years I have learned many lessons about this life and the world I live in. One factor in life I have had to learn more than I ever thought I would and still I am learning more each day. That factor is Love.

Naturally life holds many lessons and everyone has different trials but the one thing that every person should face is the challenge that is love. This world we live in is beyond the point of repair when it comes to understanding what love really is. I have found that just by telling a person that you are in love with them is not enough for them to open their heart to you. Hearing that they love you back, the one thing you were looking for, is not enough. Knowing that love is about much more is the hardest part. Finding someone who is willing to sacrifice and build a new life with you is honest love. Being true to yourself and your partner is love. This world we live in is made up of liars and misers. This world we live in is run by manipulators and thieves. I want to live in a world free of worry, free of fear and abundant in love. I want to just live. I want to be able to give everything I am to my partner and I want him to know that my love for him is something this world could never comprehend but this world we live in is not yet willing to allow me that honor. I will do everything I can to be sure that my partner knows that in this world we live in, he is my favorite part. love-quotes-breaking-down-walls1

My trials in life have always been about one thing. When to open my heart up to someone. Allowing someone to earn my trust and learning to love someone in a way that no one else can ever love them. I am glad to have had so many tests because I have been able to learn my most important lesson. I love the direction I am going and I love that I have the best partner to be there with me. This world we live in may be tough and seem to always get a person down but knowing love is knowing there is always someone who is happy simply because you are there when they are lonely. Spread the love, this world we live in is our own and we can make it one full of happiness simply by being ourselves and opening our hearts to those we love.

Day 23: A Brief Intermission: The More You Know

•October 27, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Francis Bacon once said “Knowledge is Power.”  and my mind is like a spongy hard drive, anxious to download all that it can. I feel like a Super Sayian Nerd constantly and I feel I should share more about me here. Things like how I see myself and what I want to be. The more you know, the better prepared you are for the future. The best way to prepare yourself, is to know yourself. I have spent 23 Earth years (190 years by my count) learning who I am. This is what I have so far:

As I stated in “Day 2: Minor Details“, I am a people person. It has taken time and a lot of effort to shape me into who I am. My brother Jeff (Bluewolf) has helped me tremendously in learning about the power of self and the heart. At one time in my life (after a brief dark period) I had not believed in emotion and I was content with being  devoid of feeling. I would not allow silly emotions distract me. This transition has taught me a great many things and I feel by doing it the way I had, I am, in a sense, stronger for it. I am still able to see the shadows in the night and I know the expectations of deceit, but I am now accepting and appreciating the lighter parts to everything.

I know I am not perfect. I am one of the many flawed and broken hearts that inhabit our world. I fear loss with all that I am and I sometimes seem overbearing because I always want to shower those closest to me with love and attention. I am very intelligent but at times I can come off as rude because while I accept and acknowledge my mistakes or wrongs, I am so much more often right. I am prideful, stubborn, and I have a deep offense to ignorance. I just feel if there is a chance to know, there is no reason not to, especially if the answers are so simple. I am emotionally broken and mentally conflicted most days. My flaws help me identify my abilities.

“Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.”

– Vincent Van Gogh

I know I am loyal, trusting, honest and selfless. I am caring, respectful and intuitive. I am bold but often hesitant. I am persistent and forgiving. I am hopeful and confident. I am a leader and a follower. I am patient and analytical. I am cautious and curious. My mind is often speaking to me about random things at random times. An example is my mind has told me that I think on a Ying/Yang wave. I will often try to see the light and dark side everything before taking action. I often feel the need to believe in Karma. One of my biggest flaws is over-thinking things. Sometimes the twelve minds are made to organize for one idea and it becomes far more complicated than it should. These are all things I know about myself. There are also things I have glimpsed but have still yet learned. In my previous post “Shadows of the Past” I listed twelve words that embody what I have experienced in life so far. Some of these ideas were good, while others were not. I feel these ideas are a constant in my life so they appear while the twelve minds are viewing my memories.

“A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success.”

-Elbert Hubbard

Deceit I have experienced on a few occasions because I always see the best in people. I want to think everyone is inherently good. I trust others to think like I do and it always causes more harm than good.

Prosperity is something I have barely witnessed. While I feel successful in my growth as a person, my financial and emotional wealth is not quite what I wish they were. I have moments where I have been in a very good place but my willingness to offer anything I have to anyone who needs it slows my personal prosperity.

Confidence comes pretty easy to me because I constantly seek knowledge. My confidence is sometimes battling my doubt but I have seen doubt fail much more often. Doubt however, is not the only confidence attacker. Fear plays a big part in the ideas behind my mind. Fear of judgment, fear of doubt, fear of loss and fear of misunderstanding. Fear attacks my confidence and flays open my mind to make it vulnerable.

Loss is when my mind accepts the defeat that seems so inevitable and my confidence broken. My life has many voids in it that may never be filled because of the losses I have incurred. Many times I find myself in a position where I have two choices and they both result in a loss.

Unyielding Loyalty is how I express my love for my closest relationships. I will remain loyal to the bone for any of the people I care about but my flaw with this is that I continue to do so, even after I am deceived by someone. I am loyal to those that hurt me because my loyalty is provided without end.

Honesty is how I express my respect for others. I find no reason to lie because then I would have to remember the story and honestly, that is not something I need to bother my already busy mind with.

Integrity is how I prove that I am a good person. I like to do what is best or right even if I am not praised or thanked for it. I do whatever I can to make every situation better because I consider what kind of experience I would want from it.

Doubt is the little stink pellet that crawls into my mind to infect my confidence and my prosperity. It shows up to make me rethink what I have done or what I am preparing to do.

Love is the strange emotion that has caused so much pain in my life. I have felt the deeper part of this emotion twice so far in my lifetime and each time I have fallen victim to deceit, doubt and fear, only to lose what I could have had. I am a hopeless romantic and I fall kind of easy but despite the dreams of being loved, I find only pain.

“Love, we say, is life; but love without hope and faith is agonizing death.”

-Elbert Hubbard

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

-Mother Teresa

“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing in the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”

-Gilbert K. Chesterton

Trust is coordinated with honesty. I think of myself as a person that is highly trusted because I am honest and intelligent. I show others that I can trust them and it allows them to realize that they can trust me. With my unyielding loyalty I am a locking trap for trust.  Once I have gained it, I will do anything I can to keep it.

Inspiration is the final idea and this is because it is what I require to keep on keeping on. I am a man of many ideas and talents but I am always trying to prove my abilities to myself.

At the end of the “Shadows of the Past” there was one word that was left. The 13th idea formed from the fusion of the other twelve. This word is Hope. Interestingly, by sheer coincidence it was my thirteenth post when I wrote about “Hope” (See Day 13: Hope). This idea is what keeps my days going. This is what I live for.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed no hope at all.”                                      -Dale Carnegie

All in all, the more you know and understand about yourself, the better you will fare in the war of life. The battles for love and trust will wage and the afflictions of deceit and loss will cripple. I want to be happy. I want to be hopeful. I want to be loved and I want to give love, hope and happiness. I want to walk a lifelong journey with the greatest person I know. Here’s to that dream. Here’s to that Hope.



Day 22: Bonus Idea: Consideration

•October 25, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I know I have one more day to go for my challenge but don’t worry, I will post about Family very soon. At this moment in my life I am going through some things and it is inspiring me to write. I just want to quickly post about the small things in life.

My whole life I have been educated and raised to go for the “big picture”. To look ahead of the present and make whatever future I could imagine happen. However, my mind works a bit differently. As I mention in “Day 1: The Start”, my mind appears to me as a group of people around a table (See “Day 21: Shadows of the Past”). These people shape me into the who I am by evaluating the experiences I have had and commanding my mind. I feel so different from most others (besides the crazy idea that a dozen people run my mind) because instead of thinking on a grand scale, it is the small things that mean the most to me.

I am the kind of person that appreciates everything in life for what it is. I don’t judge and I don’t grudge. I am a giver and a hopeless romantic. I believe without the small things that are so often avoided or missed, it is harder to be happy about things. Flowers just to show you care, opening a door for someone, random surprises, or a simple note appeal far more to me than luxurious gifts or praise. I am a simple man with a simple mind (though that will be tough to prove).

Consideration is a top player for me. Consider the feelings of others. Think of how you can make others feel great and act on it. Consider the needs of others. Think of how you can help them need less and act on it. Consider the people in your life. Think of how you can make your experience with them memorable and fun. Act on it. Letting a person know that you care about them would be less of a surprise if you do it often. Life is not about worrying or owing. It is about sharing and caring, loving and living. All the small things in life make up the “big picture”. The small things you fill in life will help paint the future with details and understanding.


I am very much a “present” thinker. I like to think about the future, in the future. If you are devout you would recognize this passage: “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow brings worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34. The same quote can be taken from Corrie Ten Boom, a WWII hero who said; “Worry does not empty tomorrow of it sorrow. It empties today of its strength.”  What I get from those quotes is that it is not a good idea to spend time worrying about the future. Consider the present and appreciate it. I agree it is smart to plan ahead but thinking in the moment is good for some things too. I am constantly thinking of things that I can do to make the day better for others. I know it has been a good day if I feel I have made someone smile, even if it is only on the inside. I suppose I am a sucker for being polite and kind because I just can’t think there is absolutely no reason to do otherwise. William Gilmore Simms once said: “The only true source of politeness is consideration.” Think about things before doing them. Consider the possibilities and act on the moments where you can spread courtesy and honor.

Day 21: Shadows of the Past

•October 23, 2013 • 1 Comment

I wrote this back in March and I have it posted on my personal Facebook already but I wanted to share it here as well. 😀


Hushed voices and suspicious whispers. The daily torment that rings through my head sound always sure yet unclear. All of the ideas and thoughts that have ever passed through my mind are here. A large table is present in a dimly lit room. There are 12 chairs surrounding the table, five seats on each side and one on each end. Low hanging lamps are suspended from above each chair shedding light only on the cushions. Not every chair is always full. Most often there is only one seat filled. The lonely entity casting commands and thoughts as it watches its own ideas become reality. Memories are stored in files, preserved on paper-like material and they have begun collecting dust. The new age is taking over. The thoughts that embody the being have aged and shaped it into something incomparable to the others. A big decision is coming. These decisions affect the incorporeal party as a whole. Slowly the other eleven chairs begin to fill. The range of ideas sand thoughts that are incorporated within this room create the person I am. Voices start chattering over each other and soon the room is buzzing. The main chair raises a hand to quiet the other’s thoughts. What feels like one hundred eighty-five years of experience receives the respect it demands.

Slowly the memories begin displaying, levitating above the table. Images of what shaped the aged figure, voices it once heard, smells it once smelled, and feelings it had once lost danced around the table. A few entities are learning a portion of the memories for the first time yet they show no surprise. Once the Shadows of the Past have been cycled, a display of possible futures begins. A dozen entities must now determine if the risk is worth it. Will the ideas already preserved so strongly from the past remain intact? How will the Shadows of the Past be incorporated as they always are? What portion of the present will become a Shadow? Which memories will remain and which will be filed away? Images of Deceit, Prosperity, and Confidence fill the room. Concepts of Fear, Loss and Unyielding Loyalty swirl around each being.  Honesty, Integrity and Doubt swim in a cloud above their heads. Love, Trust and Inspiration echo around the beings causing them to shiver. Like the other meetings the conclusion remains anonymous. One word consumes the twelve embodiments: Hope. As the room clears, a figure remains. The figure recaps on its oldest memories with Hope the days to come are filled with as many smiles. One hundred eighty-five years and counting……..


Day 20: One Year Ago

•October 22, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Five days ago marked the 365th day Volatile Perceptions has been in existed. Honestly it has become something I never expected and I am very happy with it. I am still working  to make blogging a more regular activity and the good news is I have at least 4 more posts already written out! I have seen at least 10 followers here on and 21 on my Facebook page. I think after the first year (and only 19 posts) 31 followers is fantastic! I hope this blog continues to grow and my mind will be able to generate all the ideas I want to discuss. Since I have only one day left on the challenge I issued myself last year, I will need some new material. Please keep in mind that if any reader would like a topic discussed or would like to know my opinion, just comment below or on my Facebook page ( and I would be happy to do what I can.


I am very excited for this new year.  I have learned so much from 2013, even I am in disbelief. I have felt confidence, despair, love and inspiration. 2013 has had some of the brightest times in my life but there has also been dark times. I have a opened a new jar of Hope and I can only trust it will work out for me. I am going to continue to write as much as I can and offer apologies to anyone that is disturbed or offended by anything I say.  Thank you to those that find my words intriguing! Here’s to Today!

Yay for the birth of Volatile Perceptions!

Day 19: We are Masters of Disguise

•October 5, 2013 • Leave a Comment

If you ever met me you would know that I can be very sensitive and emotional because I am easily manipulated. I have so much more bad luck than I do good luck. What makes me just a bit different is that I have developed a sense about others. You know when you have a “bad feeling” about something?  I have rarely been wrong about those feelings. However,  there are techniques used consciously and subconsciously to disguise our feelings so others are confused or unaware of what is really happening.  When I find the rare “good feeling” my experience from all the “bad feelings” get in my way and cause me to lose it. I know everyone is a Master of Disguise.  It is often difficult to find someone who isn’t wearing a mask of some kind. Instead we all hide who we are, protecting ourselves from despair and heartache. Each time I find that “good feeling” I take off my mask and face it head on but when I’m seen from behind the mask of another, the pain they are hiding from is all I am met with. Without my own disguise I am knocked back, crippled by despair and torn by heartache.  My back is riddled with wounds I let others inflict. My heart beats falsely, reminding me only of the scars that encompass it. I am done with wearing masks. I am finished with being something I am not. No longer will I blindly see others. No longer will I let others fill my life with pain. I have enough of my own despair. My mind has far too much to consider on its own, there is no available time for deciphering who is beneath the disguises. Too often I am undervalued and too often I am accepting that. There is no disguise worth having if who you are is not valued. Set yourself free and show the world what it means to express identity.

Day 18: Friendship

•August 17, 2013 • 2 Comments

This next topic is a very important topic in my life. As I mentioned in Day 3: The Ups and Downs in Life, my “up” is my friends. I am the kind of guy that does everything in his power to be there for others. Here is what I wrote once for the idea of Friendship:

Friendship is the invisible bond between humans. It provides humans with the feelings and emotions they need to carry on life with a purpose. It helps prevent suicide and homicide. Being someone’s “friend” is a privilege to share your life with them, however you vary your share limit and extend both lives with more reason and understanding. “Friends” are to help, and care for each other. “Friendship” is a word sometimes thrown lightly by humans; by they don’t understand a true “friend” really does care. There is no insensitive human, they all have feelings and that is why a “friend” is a good thing to have.

Friendship-Quotes-1A lot of what I have said previously I still believe in but there are others that I have learned are not quite what I thought. I have met insensitive people and those that really are not interested in doing much more than hurting others. These kind of people are lucky to have friends. Being a friend is a privilege but I feel that too many people take it for granted. I think that a true friend is one that contributes to the relationship between two people with things like respect, integrity, consideration, and trust. Friends can come on many different levels, ranging from mere acquaintance to the absolute Best-friend.  I feel that friendship relies on forgiveness and honesty. Friends are like pillars of strength and support, they are reflections of one’s self and a friend is irreplaceable. I am lucky to be gifted with so many of the greatest friends, I wish only the same for everyone else.

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