These last few years while I’ve been away, my life has been crazy. I have had so many experiences, both good and bad. Sadly the only physical evidence I have of these experiences are some scars and missing hair. I am so sad that in the time I’ve had this site (four years on Oct-22!!) I have only made 26 posts (not including this one of course). My level of motivation has taken tremendous impacts in those years and I am only glad that I managed to survive through them. I want to discuss these last few years and talk about what has changed for me. My perception of the 15 topics: Life, Death, Time, Punishment, School, Love, Trust, Faith, Hope, Courage, Respect, Fate, Friendship, Family and Consideration have barely changed and if I feel that any of them need re-visited I’ll post a Part 2 of that topic.
For now, lets just talk about what has happened. When I began this blog, I was greatly inspired to share with readers about the many facets of my personality. My brother (Marnray) has since become married and until recently was absent in my life for reasons beyond control. I myself had experienced a few forms of love. I became open to dating and found myself with a person who I believed was going to change my life. In some ways I was right, but sadly it was not in the ways I had hoped. For two years I loved someone who seemed to enjoy hurting me physically, verbally and emotionally. He was an alcoholic and having gone through some terrible things himself, I tried to understand him rather than escape from him. Thats who I am. I am the person that wants to understand and accept those with flaws despite what it will cost me. After a lot of spilt blood and tears, and after many unforgivable acts of emotional terrorism, I am free of that fate. No longer am I going to allow myself to be a victim.
I never wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me because I live by the golden rule: “Treat others how you want to be treated”. So I forgave him and tried to understand him after he let his anger out. I know that if I had reacted different I would have been in a much worse place than I am now. Not just because it would have put me in jail, but because I would have had to live with myself after hurting someone. Fortunately, having left this made me grow closer to my family and I was able to survive the torture holding onto my one never-ending trait: HOPE.
Today, I can say that I have finally found what I’ve been hoping for. I have found the person that gives me butterflies when I see him, the person that makes me smile when he talks to me. I have found the person that looks into my eyes and tells me that I am amazing with the deepest sincerity. I found someone who laughs with me and cries with me. I have found a man who can accept me for who I am without judgement. My heart knew from the moment I saw him, that he was what it longed for. All of the signs I’ve seen have led me to this. I feel like I have found my missing piece. The way he smiles lights up my world, his eyes sparkle in such a way that I can see images of us in years to come, his laugh makes my heart skip a beat. His touch is electric, making me feel charged with love. His voice (he sings to me!!) fills my heart with strength. He is more than anything I could have ever dreamed of and I hope that I get the opportunity to be as good to him as he is wonderful to me. I feel like all of the roads I’ve traveled have led me to him.
Piper has shown me, in the short time that I’ve known him, what it means to be loved. We are alike in so many ways both emotionally and in personality. My boyfriend is amazing in every way, and he lights up my life. I have waited so long for him to be in my life but every day he makes me feel like it was all worth it. This is what has changed. My heart belongs to someone who deserves it, someone I can love forever. Here’s to Hope. Here’s to Fate. Here’s to LOVE